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Maybe it's just me, but I prefer to wait (abstinence) until after I'm married to give myself to my husband. Yes, it has a lot to do with my Christian faith and it also has a lot to do with respect for my future husband as well as myself (I'm not saying that non-virgins don't have respect for themselves...I'm just making a point for myself). I'd much rather have my husband know that I'm pure and haven't been with anyone else...that's just me. I get a lot of praise and a lot of criticism (people call me "prude" and such) for believing in abstinence until marriage. Some people say that I should give sex a try; they compared sex to trying out a new car, however, sexual experiences with different people are, well, different. If you don't wait, that's fine. It's just that I prefer to wait until I'm married and if I don't get married, then I'll just stay celibate.
About this poster:
Posted by:
SDSUalumni
(female, late-20s)
(Posted 10/21/05)
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Do you agree?
Responses (24)
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Jimbo
(10/21):
I support anyone's personal choices based on their deeply held beliefs. My only comment is that you might want to examine that belief about some one being "pure" until they have had sexual intercourse. And after that we are "unpure"? It's a very old misconception based in the dark ages. Again, if that is your choice, more power to you, but our sexuality is natural, normal, and wholesome. Only people's beliefs make it otherwise.
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UESGal
(10/21):
I think you should do what feels right to you. So long as you are not juding others by their choices, you are smart to listen to yourself and do what is right for you.
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JBcuz
(10/21):
I waited until I was married, and I was in my mid-20s. It never had anything to do with faith, it just seemed the right way for me. I always appreciated not having to worry about pregnancy scares and STDs. But on the flip side, the older I got, the tougher it seemed at times to get intimate with guys I was dating. There seemed to be a huge difference and I didn't trust that to just anyone I was dating. But then again, when I did find someone I trusted, I knew it would be forever. I've always believed your first time should be with someone you love unconditionally and trust and who feels the same for you. I was lucky, I waited and I found him. Ten years later, we're still going strong. Was it worth the wait. For him...absolutely.
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cstraw
(10/22):
Good for you to stand behind what you believe in. Giving yourself to someone else is a gift that not a lot of people take seriously. Too many relationships are broken due to getting physical too soon. Good for you!
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MarinaXY
(10/25):
Everyone I kno who had that opinion in college has taken the leap. So Good Luck, but I applaud the effort!
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dougie
(10/27):
SDSU, You are right on track. Sex before marriage is a sin and not a good way to live in the Light. Someone who lives in the Light knows what I'm talking about. It has little to do with being good or bad. It has to do with your relationship with Jesus. Remember, satan is the one coming up with all that trash talk from over there ----->>>>
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Anonymous
(11/9):
want to get married. Just jokeing. good for you.
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ILDAVO
(11/12):
Good for you!!! Stay strong and it will be worth it in the lone run.
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honest_Injun
(12/16):
Ummm if you are still a virgin can I please have your number????
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Anonymous
(2/27):
You cannot comprehend the burden that would be lifted if you lived more sexually liberated. I don't mean to encourage any misdeeds, but celibacy is unnatural and sex is instinctual.
If you know you love the person and know they could be your spouse one day, then god will forgive.
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Anonymous
(4/6):
I totally agree with this view, and I also don't feel it'd even be that hard to find a guy who hasn't had sex either...especially if you get a long-term boyfriend early on so you can get to know each other better and chances are won't have had such intimate relationships previously. I also prefer to wait, not because I'm deeply Christian, but because I want to save sexual relationships until I meet that special someone whom I know I can trust completely.
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occaeco
(7/15):
I think maybe you are a lesbian. Not to be hateful, just do some soul searching.
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wonka
(7/25):
Rock on, I waited and so did my wife, and this just made our relationship that much stronger. esp knowing that we dont have hangups some off our freinds have with olde boyfreinds/girlfreinds
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carlosag
(10/1):
I really believe in this, i wish i could marry someone with that spirit but it's so hard to find.
i feel hopeless sometimes but you keep it up, respect yourselve and you'll see that you'll get the best just for doing the right thing!!
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Anonymous
(11/29):
im only sixteen and a guy so every girl i go out with thinks im full of bullshit when i tell em im a virgin but i am and they also think im full of it when i tell em i wanna whait for marriage cuz ther is so many pervs at our school girls just think were all alike but i like to think im different!i actually have values and thats just how i fell im just tired of all the whores at my school cant i find a decent girl? so good for you its ok to whait
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MickieCena
(1/19):
I agree with this decision and I am strongly for abstinece until marriage. Many problems that people don't notice come from having sex. Today's society is obsessed with sex and it makes me sick. It isn't un natural to not have sex; that is just an excuse. If that statment were true, then I guess that means that children and teenagers should have sex because it is un natural to wait. I think not. Plus, it is a mental urge to hit someone when you are angry or to kill as a way to protect ourselves. That doesn't mean it is all of a sudden right or not harmful. Everyone could wait if they wanted to, they just chose not to or give up when it comes time to try. Also, being a virgin DOES mean you are pure, not pure of all sins, but sexually pure, which is true. Pure is just short for sexually pure and it amazes me how people judge and are quick to discourage others from trying to accomplish this goal just because they think they need sex. Just because God forgives all sins doesn't mean that we should sin on purpose without care. That is like if a killer said that even though he sinned by killing it is okay because God will forgive, but does that excuse his actions? No. The Bible does say it is a sin to have pre-marital sex, words in the bible that say this are "fornication" and "sexually immorality". Plus God said don't commit adultry, which means to not sleep with someone you are not married to. The last time I checked, boyfriend/girlfriend did not equal husband/wife. It is a load of bull to say the people need the experience because they can get experienced within a marriage and go to see a sex therapist or something like that if their spouse isn't satisfied. However I don't judge or treat non virgins any different from virgins because that would be unjust and mean. I don't force my opinions on anyone, but I hate it when people make excuses that can easily be proven untrue.
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Anonymous
(1/29):
It wonderful that you've found a lifestyle that works for you. There's nothing at all wrong with waiting until marriage for sex. And the lucky man you finally marry will appreciate that you saved yourself for him. There's a good chance, too, that you'll discover the abstinent lifestyle suits you best even after you're married. There's nothing wrong with that either. If you find the right man he'll agree with you and support your decision.
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Anonymous
(2/14):
hey good job. I'm a 16 year old guy who used to mess around with girls (not have sex, but pleasure each other), and one night after messing with a girl, i decided that this wasnt pleasing to God. i have given up any form of sexual pleasuring. I promised God to remain a virgin until marriage, and it is so awesome to see others with the same views. Keep goin strong, and remember you arent alone. There are lots of people that have made the same promise and it isnt "uncool" to be doing this-remember that you are pleasing God.
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Anonymous
(5/24):
you rock
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Anonymous
(8/6):
I totally agree with this too. I'm 23 and I'm still a virgin. I've never had boyfriend because of this. I just want to be clean of anything before I marry the right person. Personally, it has nothing to do with religion. It's more of self-respect for me. I don't want to be a part of the project that glamorizes pre-marital sex. Although I honestly prefer a devirginized guy.
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soothsayah
(9/22):
oh yeah, this is really cool;
i also think the same way!
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Anonymous
(9/30):
Ive heard that God Rewards people in the end, and i believe it to be true because the people who i know who remained a Virgin, Usually marry very very attractive and successful people..I'm still a virgin male and its hard, because i don't know anyone who is doing this, its hard to meet someone too because, people say they don't wasn't to do anything, but wait a couple months after dating and that so called Christian girl your dating is begging to give you oral sex...just be careful..i didn't do and i broke up with her...this is hard but I'm remaining faithful because i believe God is going to reward me for it..
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ashh
(11/29):
actually, not waiting ISN'T fine, the bible is very clear on that!! and it's awesome you are waiting, i am too! can't wait for my HONEYMOON haha :)
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light2020
(9/28):
What women today are not realising in a big way is that men who are willing to engage in sexual activity outside of marriage, who are of this characteristic are the kind of guy for NOTORIOUS liars and cheaters. I have never failed to prove this or see it be proven in 20 years. and the research backs it up.
just a little test for you to consider, if there was two men one of them looked at porn, checked out other girls, flirted with other girls, went to strip joints and dance clubs hooters and other such places, talked about your secrets, you, made jokes about it with the good ole boys at work etc..etc...etc... and the list goes on and beleive me it does ive seen it for 20 years without fail from the guy of the sexual activity outside of marriage kind. One of the guys beleived in absolute abstinenec until marriage and the other did not. which of the two is gonna be the one to do these above mentined things behind their wives or girlfriends back.
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Responses (22)
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Anonymous
(10/21):
Do you insist that your future husband is a virgin?
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Anonymous
(10/21):
This is a tricky one. Because most likely your husband is not going to be a virgin and this could cause you a lot of stress as you won't be able to relate and will associate his prior activites as being more significant then they what they meant to him. Good luck either way. Better to be conservative then to be with every guy that steps through your door.
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SDSUalumni
(10/21):
No, I don't insist that he be a virgin but I do prefer that he shares my Christian faith.
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devisad
(10/25):
What about sexual incompatability? Literally- physically not being compatible such as size or chemistry problems (without being graphic- keep in mind I am, again, being literal) What if sex becomes an unfulfilling and unpleasant experience because of it? Also, do you count orgasm from solo acts as sex?
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costya
(10/26):
Are you sure? Marriage is for life. Life means until one of you dies. Are you prepared to go the rest of your life unfulfilled if this guy ends up not being able to do it for you. What if you decide that you don't want to give him the kind of sex he wants? Should he go the rest of his life being frustrated or unsatisfied? Think it won't happen? Maybe it won't but are you willing to bet a lifetime of satisfying sex on it. At this point in my life I think it better to know what your getting into. I have been married 18 years to the same woman, never cheated and still love her. We were both virgins. Ahh hell I guess it can work both ways. Best of luck
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guinness
(10/26):
PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT. Plus, once you are married...a few quiet moments in the shower and yyour memories of your previous escapades are all you have.
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costya
(10/28):
Response to dougie... I don't know the Bible cover to cover, so someone please tell me where it say's that pre-marital sex is a sin. I don't mean some obscure phrase that can be interpreted any way you want. And no I do not advocate pre-marital sex or any other kind of sex outside of a long term commited relationship.
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DentilFlossTycoon
(11/7):
When did they start accepting virgins at San Diego State?
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Rexfish
(11/11):
Having retained mine until I was 37, at which point I still couldn't find a woman to put up with me full time, let me just say that my inexperience and awkwardness was not a positive experience. The longer you wait for the "right one", the more likely you will marry someone just to have sex, unless you just don't care about sex at all. If that's the case, please, please, please don't marry anyone at all!
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ronc99
(12/13):
How will you know if it fits?
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Anonymous
(12/28):
God created sex. Priests created marriage.
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kayla46561
(12/8):
<<<<<; 18 Y/O Preganant, unmarried, but getting married to the father in 4 months. what do you "holy" people think of that? and dont try to come in here saying its a sin when youve sinned yourself. EVERYONE sins. its just a matter of asking for forgivness, which a have.
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Anonymous
(3/12):
I've been struggling with this one lately. I'm a Christian and I am having difficulty finding a part of the bible where it actually says, don't have sex before marriage. It talks about a deeper meaning, but i haven't found the requirement of marriage.
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Anonymous
(4/20):
Christianity is just another mythology. You might as well believe in Rama, Krishna, Zeus, Thor, Athena, or any other mythological character. But the deepest lessons of life are not related to any mythology. Kindness, respect and self-respect, love, generosity, compassion, forgiveness, etc. Apply those values to all your life - sexuality, work, money, friendships, marriage, everything - and you will be fine. But do not make important decisions based on some ancient mythology.
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raytony
(6/22):
No way. I think people should know if they are compatible in the bedroom. I would even recommend living together first.
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tauit
(11/4):
see i agree and disagree,yes i believe in wait until u r married,am a virgin and so is my boyfriend but he want to have sex now.i sought of want to (have sex)too,but am not sure i want to wait,and i just want to do it with him.and want to remain a virgin for ever is not wrong i don't want to sin,i think its because he want to do it i want to ,its weir because i never think of it until now its driving me nuts.but my mind is made up am going to wait until i am married.
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Anonymous
(11/14):
i don't agree. i believe this whole religion thing has turn us against nature. now immorality is a another thing but being intimate with someone you truly love i don't see the problem. me and my ex-girlfriend was going out for 1 1/2 yrs. she was a virgin but we tried on many occasions to have sex but she couldn't take the pain. i was patient for 1 1/2 years. then one day she became a christian and she tells me that she doesn't want to have sex with me anymore and she's gonna wait till marriage. i got depressed because i love this girl. she is the one. i'm not planning on getting married for another 6 yrs or so. wat am i suppose to do. we did everything amean everything before she decided to become a christian. i think thats unfair and selfish. now i have to wait another 6 yrs? amean its not like we started out deciding not to have sex. she wanted to have sex until she became a christian. i think that's selfish because she think about my feelings and how it would affect me.
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Anonymous
(11/14):
i meant to say i think that's selfish because she DIDN'T think about my feelings and how it would affect me.
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Satan
(11/29):
You don't buy a car without test driving it.
Don't get married without knowing your sex life will be satisfactory. Sex plays a HUGE part in marriage.
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Anonymous
(2/16):
Actually, I'm Nuetral on the subject. In the Bible it say something in Leviticus about if the couple waits until marriage their relationship will be closer (in the grace of the Heavenly father), but if a couple is close enough to do it, then nothing should stand in their way. Crazy coming from a 22 year old guy who's a Virgin. The only thing it really says if the couple waits until marriage their relationship will bring them closer together. It does say something in the Bible you guys wouldn't expect though, "Better in the belly of a whore, than the dirt on the floor" Does that mean blow jobs are lagal?
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light2020
(9/28):
kayla getting married doesnt mean anything, its how the marriage is founded before hand, and I can assure you that guy isnt all about you and you will find this out the hard way if you dont hear what im saying, so the better response for you would not to mock people by calling them holy people. Women who give into the kind guy who doesnt practice abstinenec until marriage windup in the 80 to 90% bracket for divorce by the tenth year and the non abstinenec type of guy is notorious for lying and cheating and also to let you know cheating isnt just a physical affair, looking at porn is the exact same betraying its not about you intentions. ~ Peace friend
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light2020
(9/28):
Satan or should I call you lucifer, the test drive example is a dumb one. what oif you test drove twenty cars and didnt like any of them, is tha Ok, ridiculous and very degrading torward women. You dont judge someone by whether or not they are able to have sex, that isnt how a persons characteristics are discovered. sexual activity isnt the determiner of whether or not someones valuble. Thats like choosing a car just cause you liked the paint job. well the paint tells you nothing. And to mention is very shallow.
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Abstinence until marriage
